Kilwins: Thick Conflict

As was teased last week, today’s review comes from Kilwins—a chocolate shop chain from Michigan that dabbles in ice cream.

While there are several locations in the Chicagoland area, I stumbled upon it near Lake Geneva. I’m sorry, I mean Geneva Lake, in Wisconsin. We really have to get more creative with naming bodies of water. Imagine my confusion when I moved to Utah and everyone was talking about Lake Powell. You mean Powell Lake? The string of lakes in British Columbia I went to when I was 14?

Anyway, I was a bit let down because it had a very small town aesthetic, which made me assume it was a local ice creamery. I should’ve known better—the logo design was simply too polished (IE, it wasn’t just the name of the store written in Brush Script font).

Fortunately, the ice cream options offered a wide variety of novelty, Midwestern themed flavors, like their famous Mackinac Island Fudge. I couldn’t wait to start sampling.

I landed on a combination of the Mackinac Island Fudge and the New Orleans Praline Pecan for the base of my dessert. Then the server got to fixing up the sundae. It was in this moment that I began to fear for what was to come.

Quality of Fudge

The thing that most concerned me was watching the fudge come out of the warming pot. While it looked perfectly normal coming out, it poured on so dang thick. Perhaps the thickest I have ever seen. But at this point in my journey, I assumed thicker fudge was better fudge. Today I relearned a valuable lesson about the law of diminishing returns.

This was too thick. I could barely carve a piece out of it with my spoon because the blob of chocolate just wanted to stay together. And while I prefer it if the fudge doesn’t mix with the ice cream, I’ve learned that I prefer at least a little bit of fraternization. This fudge didn’t mix in at all.

Quality of Toppings

We had the normal stuff—pleasant whipped cream, toasted nuts, and a cherry from a jar. Not much else to discuss here.

Level of Comfort Ordering the Sundae

When I ordered the ice cream, I went in with a lot of confidence. “I’ll start with the Mackinac Fudge!” But here’s where things got tricky. You see, I am not from the Midwest. Therefore I would have no way of knowing Mackinac is pronounced “Mack-in-AW” and not “Mack-in-AK.” I of course said it as it is spelled: “Mack-in-AK.” So imagine the proverbial egg I felt on my face after I heard the server say “you mean Mack-in-aw?”

I was devastated.

Would I Rather Get a McDonald’s Hot Fudge Sundae?

100% yes. While the ice cream was delicious and the toppings were inoffensive, that fudge was simply too much to handle. I didn’t even make it through all of the sundae, I was so turned off by that thick brick of chocolate.

Final Score: 4.8/10